MOVIE REVIEW: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom

“… At this point, Jurassic Park can only mean bigger, badder, and nastier”

30-SECOND REVIEW

It’s dinosaurs! And dinosaurs are awesome 🙂 Plus, its Steven Spielberg! Also, Chris Pratt and Bryce Howard have good chemistry so that helps. The effects are better and the story has a good plot twist.  The movie needed something to do while people are not getting chomped. This delivers!

FULL REVIEW

Jay here! Hard to believe but its been three decades now since the original ‘Jurassic Park’ first roared into theaters (1993!). Here we are 25 years later. Same formula – Humans clone dinosaurs. Humans try to control dinosaurs. Dinosaurs kill humans. It’s worked for 5 movies now and people keep going back to see it. The original magic and mystique are long gone. The only thing keeping this franchise afloat is new ways to eat people. Which means Bigger, Badder, and Nastier!

Zero spoilers, but its we now know that Jurassic Park (the park itself, not the movie lol) was a complete failure! As Dr. Malcolm said in the first movie, ‘some shit Nature decided should NOT go together, like…dinosaurs and humans’ (paraphrasing AF) – Which is why there’s a millions of years GAP between the species? Four sequels, and people still haven’t learned this lesson.

Ironically, Jurassic World (the actual theme park and the movie lol) turned out to be a HUGE success – but that wasn’t good enough. Eventually the dinosaurs escape (of course) and a LOT of people get shredded to bits. The park is officially shut down forever. But damn, what to do with all these dinosaurs?? Part 5 addresses that question, adding a political element plus an entire Dino ‘right to life’ movement, complete with Left-wing ‘sobbyists’ – (see what I did there?) 😛

The Good new is that fan favorites T-Rex and Blue the lovable Velociraptor are back.

Chris Pratt and Bryce Howard return to fuss and flirt. Best of all Jeff Goldblum (yaaay!) returns as Ian Malcolm (my favorite character) famed ‘theoretical chaotician’- If only all too briefly.

Also, the requisite ‘You have no real reason to be here in the first place‘ characters tag along for the scream-fest. Oh BTW, the Jurassic island…the famous Isla Nublar?? Yeaaaah, that volcano is goes all VOLCANO, destroying everything in its path! Time to rescue some Dinosaurs! Or, do we leave them to die by Natural Causes?  See, here we go again…people interfering with Nature! Man plays God. God destroys Man. This is where shit goes bad.

But wait! Sinister plot twist up ahead! And its a juicy one! And it makes the 3rd act of the movie worth all the fuss. And it ensures that there WILL be a Jurassic Part 6.

That, and a $1.2 Billion box office.

*Rawr!*

 

(out of 5 Blue raptors)

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